You lose, I win.

This is a very important blog post for me, and I have another one that's saved up in my drafts that's going to explain all of this. I'm not ready to finish it yet, and maybe I'm a bit lazy to finish that really long post. I will post it one of these days, though. That's something I promise you. So, here you go.

Dear Anxiety Attacks,

You lose, I win. You may be strong, you may take up most of my mind for almost a month now, but let me just tell you, that I am so much stronger than you, especially my God. My God is so much bigger than you, and He's been with me all through out this war and He has been helping me gain the strength to fight you. One day you will leave my mind. You will just be a memory, and I will be back to being my true, happy self.

You are the worst thing that's come to me, and yet, I thank you. I hate you, but thank you, because you were the one who told me to take life slow. You were the one who reminded me to breathe once in awhile and you've taught me the most important thing ever: That's it's okay to let myself be on the top once in awhile. It's okay to be overly hard-working but it's good to give myself time to rest and some credit. I know that I've put myself on top before, and that was when I really took life for granted. Now though, I've been putting myself on top because I know I deserve it, because I worked hard for what I've gotten. Another big thank you because, because of you, because of trying to distract myself, I was slowly getting back to be being good in school. In fact, because of you, I studied more and really tried to understand my lessons more.

The best thing you had me doing though was getting back and appreciating my God more. It's the best thing that you had me doing. Ever since I've been having you, you've pushed me to pray to Him more and to talk to Him more. Especially trust in Him more, and I am so thankful to have Him in my life. I'm so lucky to be a child of God, to be the child of Someone Great. I talk to him when you take up my mind, because together, we fight. He's there all the time, and He will always be here. I love my God, thank you for pushing me to be more appreciative of Him.

Another is getting me to trust people more, especially my family. My family is easier to talk to now, and to understand because I've finally opened up to them what I feel. On the second day of your visit, I felt like going crazy. I fought the urge to open up to my dad, but no. You made it a point for me to call him and tell him what I've been feeling. Then you got my sister to talk to me and push me to do the things I want. Then my mom, the last person who I opened up to. You taught me to give her a chance, to talk to me and have me actually listen to her. Thank you so much, Anxiety Attacks, for having me trust my family more.

Also to my friends, who I thought would not care much if I had you. They did, though. They told me that it was going to be okay, and they helped me distract myself from you. I opened up to them more and they understood me more. Thank you for that. You had me opening up to people who I thought would never understand me. I thought they would tell me things I already knew but when they did, they seemed clearer to understand.

You pushed me to do so many things, and for that, I thank you. I want you out of my mind, because you've also pulled me back from things that I used to love to do. Some of them bad, some of them good. Thank you for being a part of me. Like I said, you will soon be just a memory in my mind, but no longer a dilemma.

God is helping me fight You, but I know He has something to do with this. I've prayed in the past and asked Him to help me get back on board with my family and my studies. Look where you've brought me! Thank you.

The last thing I want to say is please, leave me alone now. I promise to remember you when I begin slacking off again. I have so many dreams to reach, and so many more people to meet in my life, and I can't reach and meet them if you stay in my mind, scaring me forever. You will leave soon, yes?

Thank you, Anxiety Attacks. You woke me up.

Now please, leave me alone now. I have an awesome life to live!

Love,

Karissa Elora Picson